![]() ![]() She went on to recommend Crucial Conversations, which completely changed my outlook. But now, in addition to having obvious resentment for her, ‘nicer JB’ is just acting inauthentic and contrived.” Everyone knows you don’t like each other. But, I have to be honest, it feels phoney. ![]() “I can tell you’ve been working hard to try to get along with Linda. ![]() The “niceness” was a mask that felt disingenuous and manipulative.Īfter a few months of this, another coworker called me aside and leveled with me. Realizing that acting this way wasn’t working for me, I tried to act “nicer.” But since I hadn’t done any internal work yet I was just delivering the same kind of message as before. As I was still in my “telling it like it is” phase, I ended up receiving multiple visits from our human resources director. One of my coworkers and I never really saw eye-to-eye, yet we had to collaborate daily. I remember working in a research lab during graduate school. Turns out I was really just selfish, abrasive, and unkind. I said what was on my mind and thought that made me an authentic, no-BS person of high integrity. In fact, I’ve devoted a decade to it because I was bad.Įarly in my life I fancied myself a “tell it like it is” kinda guy. When “Telling It Like It Is” Equals Abrasive and Unkind You’ll become the most valuable communicator in the room, in any room. Instead of avoiding key issues or bringing them up in a way that creates defensiveness (and, therefore, no real resolution), you’ll be able to masterfully navigate situations that others can’t see their way out of. Whether they’ve taken the initiative and kicked off crucial conversations themselves, or simply have been in the middle of one, many of their crucial conversations have ended in silence (deny, repress, ignore, pretend), collapse (shame, embarrassment, withdrawal) or hostility (combativeness, aggression, threat).Ĭombine these experiences with no obvious path to skill development and it’s no wonder some people avoid crucial conversations at all costs.Īt the same time, being able to skillfully navigate crucial conversations will take your coaching game, your professional collaboration, and your personal relationships to the next level. Many respond this way because of past experiences with these kinds of dialogues. If your heart beats faster just reading the list, that’s normal.
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